You know that whole weight loss process where you create a routine and learn what gets results, lose the large portion of weight you had set out to lose and then...the last freaking 5 pounds, the plateau. What got you all this way no longer works to get you to the next phase.
This is how I feel with my self journey. I learned a few concepts that didn't take a ton of work to implement but required a shitload of practice, that completely transformed my life in a miraculous way. I still have desires about where I want to go and I know some things that can be done to get there, but what has gotten me to the point I am now will only sustain what I already have. And I want more.
I have pushed through fears to get to this point, but they were only small fears. I know I need to dig deep for what comes next. Do I have the energy required to push through self doubt and how the changes I make in my own life will affect those around me? I need to. I want to.
I have had a boost of motivation this week mainly due to some wonderful podcasts with Glennon Doyle Melton, Martha Beck, Linda Sivertson, and Liz Gilbert. One of the main takeaways from them is to put in an hour a day into whatever you do. Don't worry about perfection or the end result. Just do what you do for an hour a day. Everyone can do that. And as Liz says, "You will never have the time. You need to make the time." YES. Truth.
Baby steps. I know this and I work on accepting this, but it can be a challenge for sure. I need to keep putting myself out there. I need to act like those I admire. I need to be real.
I was talking to my niece last night who was sharing her desire to have a job she loves (which is basically YouTube only) and how she doesn't know if YouTube will be her future, but she enjoys it now. I told her that this will not go to waste as she is learning the skill of marketing and that is a part of every single aspect of your life. Marketing is not only for business; it is also part of how you relate to other people. You market yourself to attract the people you want to be friends with. I want to put my realness out there to attract the group who wants to talk about TRUTH, the beauty and the struggles of life.
So what do you do when you need to lose the last 5 pounds? You work different muscles, you ask for help, and you believe.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Monday, July 4, 2016
Lesson 2: Boundaries
I have always been boundary-resistant. I loved that I could call myself "go-with-the-flow" and sign up for some last-minute plans or drop my original plans to help someone out. I had no timelines and my time was your time.
Over and over and over again, I felt the burn from not establishing boundaries. Who needs boundaries with close friends and family? Everyone, that's who. I always felt that since I had free time and someone else could benefit from that time I could offer, I should be lending a hand. I would bust my ass to make an area of struggle for someone disappear. And I would do it on a regular basis. I didn't want praise, but I did want it to be appreciated. I wanted to know that the work I was doing wasn't for nothing and that it was recognized as help. I rarely got that. It usually became expected that I performed my duties and was only noticed when I stopped. I would feel used and upset that someone so close to me wouldn't have respect for the effort I had put in. After some really tough lessons, even lessons I learned after feeling like I had already resolved my boundary issues, I finally got it. I didn't have to wait until my breaking point to be able to tell someone that I couldn't help them to the degree I was helping them. Set boundaries up front, even with your best friends. Make your time valuable to yourself. Don't say "I'm free for as long as you want me to be". Say "I'm available for this time frame and then I'll have to head back home. Do not feel like you have to justify your purpose for leaving. Even if you're going home to sit on the couch to flip through Netflix for the rest of the night, that is what you are deciding you would like to do with your time. That is what you feel will give you the energy to recharge for all that you need to accomplish on a daily basis.
And boundaries are not only around time. They are about what you are willing and able to do for someone. The more you speak about what is important to you, the more you will be able to decipher what boundaries need to be established and when to say YES and when to say NO.
One time, I was at a yoga festival and the instructor had us stand in goddess pose, a very empowering posture. She had us think of a time when we had said yes to something and wished we'd said no. Then she had us yell, "NO!" I could do that. Then she had us think of a time when we had said no to something but wished we'd said yes. Then she had us imagine that scenario and yell, "YES!" I weakly mumbled yes in the midst of the crowd of full-bodied yesses around me. Hmm, why was it so much harder to claim a yes than a no?
I thought about that a lot throughout and after the festival. It's much easier to resist a part of life that you don't want than it is to dive into a life that you may be unsure of. We must use our boundaries as an establishment of the direction we want to move in our lives. Anything that will be a deterrent of our values should be avoided in order to allow for the confident yesses to break through.
Over and over and over again, I felt the burn from not establishing boundaries. Who needs boundaries with close friends and family? Everyone, that's who. I always felt that since I had free time and someone else could benefit from that time I could offer, I should be lending a hand. I would bust my ass to make an area of struggle for someone disappear. And I would do it on a regular basis. I didn't want praise, but I did want it to be appreciated. I wanted to know that the work I was doing wasn't for nothing and that it was recognized as help. I rarely got that. It usually became expected that I performed my duties and was only noticed when I stopped. I would feel used and upset that someone so close to me wouldn't have respect for the effort I had put in. After some really tough lessons, even lessons I learned after feeling like I had already resolved my boundary issues, I finally got it. I didn't have to wait until my breaking point to be able to tell someone that I couldn't help them to the degree I was helping them. Set boundaries up front, even with your best friends. Make your time valuable to yourself. Don't say "I'm free for as long as you want me to be". Say "I'm available for this time frame and then I'll have to head back home. Do not feel like you have to justify your purpose for leaving. Even if you're going home to sit on the couch to flip through Netflix for the rest of the night, that is what you are deciding you would like to do with your time. That is what you feel will give you the energy to recharge for all that you need to accomplish on a daily basis.
And boundaries are not only around time. They are about what you are willing and able to do for someone. The more you speak about what is important to you, the more you will be able to decipher what boundaries need to be established and when to say YES and when to say NO.
One time, I was at a yoga festival and the instructor had us stand in goddess pose, a very empowering posture. She had us think of a time when we had said yes to something and wished we'd said no. Then she had us yell, "NO!" I could do that. Then she had us think of a time when we had said no to something but wished we'd said yes. Then she had us imagine that scenario and yell, "YES!" I weakly mumbled yes in the midst of the crowd of full-bodied yesses around me. Hmm, why was it so much harder to claim a yes than a no?
I thought about that a lot throughout and after the festival. It's much easier to resist a part of life that you don't want than it is to dive into a life that you may be unsure of. We must use our boundaries as an establishment of the direction we want to move in our lives. Anything that will be a deterrent of our values should be avoided in order to allow for the confident yesses to break through.
Lesson 3: Nurture with Nature
I always enjoyed vacations that revolved around being outside. I never thought it was important; I just thought it was a personal preference. It wasn't until I started following Wild Woman Sisterhood on Facebook and their events consisted of sitting outside with the moon and forest rituals that I began to understand that it is essential to spend time with nature. Nature allows you to see a world so beautiful and void of societal pressures, life moving in such perfect rhythm that you find comfort in witnessing a living metronome.
While meditating, I will typically envision the energy from the roots of trees surging beneath me, filling me up with the power of life. I feel connected with the earth, with the plants and trees, with the animals, with the people. The same energy is flowing through us all. There is no status in nature. We just are. It is a grounding force as we gain awareness of that connectivity.
Feeling that connectedness doesn't require a full day outside. A few minutes on your back patio in the morning, a walk around your office building during your lunch break, staring up at the moon after dinner, planting your feet in the grass -- it all helps you to feel something larger than yourself, larger than the petty issues that pop into our days at work and with family and friends and with our personal insecurities. Breathe in the energy around you and use it as fuel. Fully utilize this free resource.
While meditating, I will typically envision the energy from the roots of trees surging beneath me, filling me up with the power of life. I feel connected with the earth, with the plants and trees, with the animals, with the people. The same energy is flowing through us all. There is no status in nature. We just are. It is a grounding force as we gain awareness of that connectivity.
Feeling that connectedness doesn't require a full day outside. A few minutes on your back patio in the morning, a walk around your office building during your lunch break, staring up at the moon after dinner, planting your feet in the grass -- it all helps you to feel something larger than yourself, larger than the petty issues that pop into our days at work and with family and friends and with our personal insecurities. Breathe in the energy around you and use it as fuel. Fully utilize this free resource.
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Lesson 1: Demand Respect...From Yourself
Especially once in college, I really struggled with life. I was completely lost and felt like a useless human being and a disappointment to all who invested so much in me. However, I always believed life was ultimately good and people were ultimately good -- I just didn't know how to connect to all that "goodness" I knew existed.
One of the first major inspirations for me was while listening to an online meditation 101 conference hosted by Ashley Turner. I had an interest in learning about meditation, but it was just one of those things that I hadn't looked much into yet. As you've probably heard and/or experienced, meditation has some pretty amazing benefits that can completely transform your life. However, the benefit that I received had nothing to do with the actual practice of meditation. My spark came from the concept that we can physically change our minds by changing our thoughts. What?? I had motivation in life to try to understand it better, but it was always with the expectation that I would always have to forever battle depression and negative thoughts as they arose. I thought that was just part of ME -- I just had a predisposition to feeling emotional pain and there was no getting around it, but maybe I could manage it.
Tara Brach was one of the individuals interviewed in the conference. What she said truly was the best lesson I've ever gotten in my life, and I'm a little bit obsessed with it and share it with EVERYONE with an interest in gaining control of their lives (and I repeat it multiple times, probably to an obnoxious degree hahaha). She said, in her usual calm and loving voice, "Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your closest friend." Hmm, I'd never thought of that perspective before. I started paying attention to the thoughts that came into my head throughout the day and was actually a bit disturbed imagining what it would be like to say them to people I actually cared about. Why was I not treating myself like someone I loved? I'm a human as well! I deserve the same respect from my own self as everyone else. To not love yourself is kind of a slap in the face to the Universe, right? Right.
I became so motivated by the fact that I could put in a little time into my day to change my thoughts to change my brain to change my life. And that belief came to fruition immediately. One of my biggest struggles has been a fear of people in authority. At work, if I had to ask my boss a question (and I've had some pretty freaking nice bosses), I would sit at my desk for 30 minutes playing out exactly how I would ask my question, what all the possible responses would be, and how I would respond back. This incorporated how I would stay strong with the inevitable question my boss would be asking internally, "What are you such an idiot?" I would spend most of my day worrying instead of doing the work that needed to get done.
After a few days of meditating and actively practicing positive self talk -- "You did SUCH a great job today!" or "Don't worry about it! You know you are capable of great things and that mistake was just a way to learn how to be better." -- I felt a weight lifted. I felt strong with possibilities in sight that I never would have imagined.
Then came my test. The VP of Finance came up to me with a question. My normal response? Panic mode. Heart racing. Loss of hearing. Heat rising into my chest and head. Breathing stops. In the past, he would ask me a question and I would hear words but couldn't comprehend a sentence. I had NO CLUE what he wanted but I would just say I didn't know or wait for some more cues so I could guess some document to email him. But this time, I heard EVERY WORD and understood the entire question. I didn't know the answer, but I knew where to find it. "Oh yes, give me 5 minutes and I'll get you the answer." Whoo! I was on cloud 9. Someone without anxiety would never be able to understand that as a victory, but I sure appreciated it. And that was the beginning of a new life.
Please don't discredit yourself as human. You are just as deserving of this wonderful life as all those around you. Take responsibility for all the love you need to give yourself. Others will follow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)