The Last Five Pounds

You know that whole weight loss process where you create a routine and learn what gets results, lose the large portion of weight you had set out to lose and then...the last freaking 5 pounds, the plateau.  What got you all this way no longer works to get you to the next phase.

This is how I feel with my self journey.  I learned a few concepts that didn't take a ton of work to implement but required a shitload of practice, that completely transformed my life in a miraculous way.  I still have desires about where I want to go and I know some things that can be done to get there, but what has gotten me to the point I am now will only sustain what I already have.  And I want more.

I have pushed through fears to get to this point, but they were only small fears.  I know I need to dig deep for what comes next.  Do I have the energy required to push through self doubt and how the changes I make in my own life will affect those around me?  I need to.  I want to.

I have had a boost of motivation this week mainly due to some wonderful podcasts with Glennon Doyle Melton, Martha Beck, Linda Sivertson, and Liz Gilbert.  One of the main takeaways from them is to put in an hour a day into whatever you do.  Don't worry about perfection or the end result.  Just do what you do for an hour a day.  Everyone can do that.  And as Liz says, "You will never have the time.  You need to make the time."  YES.  Truth.

Baby steps.  I know this and I work on accepting this, but it can be a challenge for sure.  I need to keep putting myself out there.  I need to act like those I admire.  I need to be real.

I was talking to my niece last night who was sharing her desire to have a job she loves (which is basically YouTube only) and how she doesn't know if YouTube will be her future, but she enjoys it now.  I told her that this will not go to waste as she is learning the skill of marketing and that is a part of every single aspect of your life.  Marketing is not only for business; it is also part of how you relate to other people.  You market yourself to attract the people you want to be friends with.  I want to put my realness out there to attract the group who wants to talk about TRUTH, the beauty and the struggles of life.

So what do you do when you need to lose the last 5 pounds?  You work different muscles, you ask for help, and you believe.

Lesson 2: Boundaries

I have always been boundary-resistant.  I loved that I could call myself "go-with-the-flow" and sign up for some last-minute plans or drop my original plans to help someone out.  I had no timelines and my time was your time.

Over and over and over again, I felt the burn from not establishing boundaries.  Who needs boundaries with close friends and family?  Everyone, that's who.  I always felt that since I had free time and someone else could benefit from that time I could offer, I should be lending a hand.  I would bust my ass to make an area of struggle for someone disappear.  And I would do it on a regular basis. I didn't want praise, but I did want it to be appreciated.  I wanted to know that the work I was doing wasn't for nothing and that it was recognized as help.  I rarely got that.  It usually became expected that I performed my duties and was only noticed when I stopped.  I would feel used and upset that someone so close to me wouldn't have respect for the effort I had put in.  After some really tough lessons, even lessons I learned after feeling like I had already resolved my boundary issues, I finally got it. I didn't have to wait until my breaking point to be able to tell someone that I couldn't help them to the degree I was helping them.  Set boundaries up front, even with your best friends.  Make your time valuable to yourself.  Don't say "I'm free for as long as you want me to be".  Say "I'm available for this time frame and then I'll have to head back home.  Do not feel like you have to justify your purpose for leaving.  Even if you're going home to sit on the couch to flip through Netflix for the rest of the night, that is what you are deciding you would like to do with your time.  That is what you feel will give you the energy to recharge for all that you need to accomplish on a daily basis.

And boundaries are not only around time.  They are about what you are willing and able to do for someone.  The more you speak about what is important to you, the more you will be able to decipher what boundaries need to be established and when to say YES and when to say NO.

One time, I was at a yoga festival and the instructor had us stand in goddess pose, a very empowering posture.  She had us think of a time when we had said yes to something and wished we'd said no.  Then she had us yell, "NO!"  I could do that.  Then she had us think of a time when we had said no to something but wished we'd said yes.  Then she had us imagine that scenario and yell, "YES!"  I weakly mumbled yes in the midst of the crowd of full-bodied yesses around me.  Hmm, why was it so much harder to claim a yes than a no?

I thought about that a lot throughout and after the festival.  It's much easier to resist a part of life that you don't want than it is to dive into a life that you may be unsure of.  We must use our boundaries as an establishment of the direction we want to move in our lives.  Anything that will be a deterrent of our values should be avoided in order to allow for the confident yesses to break through.

Lesson 3: Nurture with Nature

I always enjoyed vacations that revolved around being outside.  I never thought it was important; I just thought it was a personal preference.  It wasn't until I started following Wild Woman Sisterhood on Facebook and their events consisted of sitting outside with the moon and forest rituals that I began to understand that it is essential to spend time with nature.  Nature allows you to see a world so beautiful and void of societal pressures, life moving in such perfect rhythm that you find comfort in witnessing a living metronome.

While meditating, I will typically envision the energy from the roots of trees surging beneath me, filling me up with the power of life.  I feel connected with the earth, with the plants and trees, with the animals, with the people.  The same energy is flowing through us all.  There is no status in nature.  We just are.  It is a grounding force as we gain awareness of that connectivity.

Feeling that connectedness doesn't require a full day outside.  A few minutes on your back patio in the morning, a walk around your office building during your lunch break, staring up at the moon after dinner, planting your feet in the grass -- it all helps you to feel something larger than yourself, larger than the petty issues that pop into our days at work and with family and friends and with our personal insecurities.  Breathe in the energy around you and use it as fuel.  Fully utilize this free resource.

Lesson 1: Demand Respect...From Yourself

Especially once in college, I really struggled with life.  I was completely lost and felt like a useless human being and a disappointment to all who invested so much in me.  However, I always believed life was ultimately good and people were ultimately good -- I just didn't know how to connect to all that "goodness" I knew existed.

One of the first major inspirations for me was while listening to an online meditation 101 conference hosted by Ashley Turner.  I had an interest in learning about meditation, but it was just one of those things that I hadn't looked much into yet.  As you've probably heard and/or experienced, meditation has some pretty amazing benefits that can completely transform your life.  However, the benefit that I received had nothing to do with the actual practice of meditation.  My spark came from the concept that we can physically change our minds by changing our thoughts.  What??  I had motivation in life to try to understand it better, but it was always with the expectation that I would always have to forever battle depression and negative thoughts as they arose.  I thought that was just part of ME -- I just had a predisposition to feeling emotional pain and there was no getting around it, but maybe I could manage it.

Tara Brach was one of the individuals interviewed in the conference.  What she said truly was the best lesson I've ever gotten in my life, and I'm a little bit obsessed with it and share it with EVERYONE with an interest in gaining control of their lives (and I repeat it multiple times, probably to an obnoxious degree hahaha).  She said, in her usual calm and loving voice, "Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your closest friend."  Hmm, I'd never thought of that perspective before.  I started paying attention to the thoughts that came into my head throughout the day and was actually a bit disturbed imagining what it would be like to say them to people I actually cared about.  Why was I not treating myself like someone I loved?  I'm a human as well!  I deserve the same respect from my own self as everyone else.  To not love yourself is kind of a slap in the face to the Universe, right?  Right.

I became so motivated by the fact that I could put in a little time into my day to change my thoughts to change my brain to change my life.  And that belief came to fruition immediately.  One of my biggest struggles has been a fear of people in authority.  At work, if I had to ask my boss a question (and I've had some pretty freaking nice bosses), I would sit at my desk for 30 minutes playing out exactly how I would ask my question, what all the possible responses would be, and how I would respond back.  This incorporated how I would stay strong with the inevitable question my boss would be asking internally, "What are you such an idiot?"  I would spend most of my day worrying instead of doing the work that needed to get done.

After a few days of meditating and actively practicing positive self talk -- "You did SUCH a great job today!"  or "Don't worry about it!  You know you are capable of great things and that mistake was just a way to learn how to be better." -- I felt a weight lifted.  I felt strong with possibilities in sight that I never would have imagined.  

Then came my test.  The VP of Finance came up to me with a question.  My normal response?  Panic mode.  Heart racing.  Loss of hearing.  Heat rising into my chest and head.  Breathing stops.  In the past, he would ask me a question and I would hear words but couldn't comprehend a sentence.  I had NO CLUE what he wanted but I would just say I didn't know or wait for some more cues so I could guess some document to email him.  But this time, I heard EVERY WORD and understood the entire question.  I didn't know the answer, but I knew where to find it.  "Oh yes, give me 5 minutes and I'll get you the answer."  Whoo!  I was on cloud 9.  Someone without anxiety would never be able to understand that as a victory, but I sure appreciated it.  And that was the beginning of a new life.

Please don't discredit yourself as human.  You are just as deserving of this wonderful life as all those around you.  Take responsibility for all the love you need to give yourself.  Others will follow.

The Chakra Project - Root Chakra

Chakra 1

Root Chakra – Muladhara (Mula = Root, Adhara = Support or Base)







Location: Base of spine, the pelvic floor, and the first 3 vertebrae - space between base of spine and perineum


Benefit of balancing root chakra:

• GROUNDEDNESS
• Creates foundation/stability for opening rest of chakras above
• Connection to body, environment, and earth 
• Feelings of peace and positivity
• Being physically aware and comfortable in many situations
• Daily tasks will seem effortless
• No doubts about your place in the world
• To bring to light unconscious generational patterns passed down from experiences of threats to survival (war, famine, natural disasters, etc.)

Comprised of: Whatever grounds you to stability in life

• Basic needs: (e.g.) Food, water, shelter
• Emotional needs: (e.g.) Letting go of fear
• Fight or flight

Purpose:

• Safety, security, physical existence, belonging 
• Connects us with spiritual energies of our ancestors

How to balance?

• Meditation - connection to universal energy for peace and stability
• Yoga asanas
• Pavanumuktasana
• Janu Sirsasana
• Padmasana
• Malasana
• Kegel exercises
• Bandha yoga: where you lock and tighten certain parts of your body to bring energy and strength to the area
• Chanting or toning sounds
• Sounds create vibrations in the body
• These vibrations help cells work together in synchronistic harmony
• Mantra sound for root chakra = LAM (A pronounce "ah"; M pronounced "mng")
• Note of "C"
• Colors and gems
• Root chakra color = Red
• Picture red lotus flower at base of spine
• Light red candles while focusing on root chakra
• Root chakra gemstones (can place gem on area when lying down)
• Garnet (balancing)
• Red jasper (activating)
• Black tourmaline (protective and healing)
• Bloodstone 
• Azurite
• Chrysocolla
• Obsidian
• Golden yellow topaz
• Carnelian
• Citrine
• Smoky quartz (protective and healing)
• Hematite (grounding and stabilizing) 
• Rhodochrosite (clearing)
• Red carnelian (balancing)
• Experiencing sounds and smells of nature
• Affirmations: 
• I have an abundance of strength and energy.  I express my energy in a divine perfect way. 
• I am safe in the world around me.  I belong in this world and am part of Gaia (mother-earth).  I am at peace with my surroundings, with the people and the events as they occur.
• The universe is a good place 
• Everything is going to work out just fine
• All is well and I can let my guard down and rest

• Nutrition for root chakra:
• Red foods:
• Red apples
• Strawberries
• Red cabbage

• Foods with roots:
• Ginger
• Carrots
• Beets

• Foods high in protein:
• Eggs
• Meats
• Beans
• Nuts

• Aromatherapy
• Sandalwood
• Cedar
• Rosewood
• Ginger
• Cloves
• Black pepper
• Rosemary

• Sense organ that corresponds to root chakra = Smell 

Mudra: Gula





List:

• Planet: Earth, Saturn
• Element: Earth
• Force: Gravity
• Key Phrase: I Have
• Demon: Fear
• Negative Archetype: You see yourself as predator or prey
• Positive Archetype: You see yourself as Ubermother (nurturing of others, self-sufficient, responsible)
• Mythological Figure: Persephone 
• Mythological Animal: White elephant with 7 trunks
• Deity: Brahma, Dikini, Ganesha

• Overactive/blown out: Feel like you never having enough, hoarding, scarcity, aggression, exploitation, anxiety, fear, overweight, addictions.
• In Balance: Safe, secure, feel like you have enough.  Confident you can meet your basic needs.  Good relationship with your body.   You feel at home in the world and feel like you have a right to be here.
• Underactive/shut down: Lacking energy or sense of empowerment.  Victimized by Life/God/Fate.  Struggle to meet basic needs around money, work, housing.  Question if you have a right to be here or not sure if you want to be here.  Anorexia or other denial of basic human needs. Feel alienated from your body.
• Physical signs that your Root Chakra might need some love:
  • Pain in the lower back, legs, knees or feet
  • Sciatica
  • Hemorrhoids, constipation, IBS, Crone’s Disease, kidney stones, other excretory issues
  • Over or underweight, anorexia, obesity
  • Reproductive issues
  
  

  Grounding Exercise

  There is an easy exercise we all can do at any time, even while driving, that will pull our souls back into our bodies immediately. Anyone trying this exercise may have to do it a few times for it to work, but it will be worth it.
• Imagine that when you inhale, your breath comes in through the top of your head and stops at your hips.
• As you exhale, the breath goes down through the center of your legs into the earth and wraps itself around a tree root (or a stone, or anything in the center of the earth)

My Invitation To You

I am not a fan of poetry by any means, but this one made me so happy because it is EXACTLY what I believe and am looking to follow in my life.  I would LOVE for this mentality to spread.  Instead of comparing yourself to other people, you can actually learn who they truly are and find how to utilize each others' strengths to create the most efficient and thriving society.  I've come to find that so many people do not know who they are.  I am still on that journey myself.  But to know that your worth is not defined by what you own or where you live or what your career is - that is a discovery that will dump you off right in front of that "path" you have probably been searching for your whole life. 

Women often feel threatened by other women.  Who cares if the girl in the office isn't wearing a thong and has panty lines?  Who cares if the mom is nursing instead of bottle-feeding?  Who cares if the neighbor doesn't eat meat?  We should be holding each other up, teaching each other how to be stronger, giving advice and taking advice, accepting that others may have a different way of living than we believe to be true.  The stronger the woman standing next to you is, the stronger you will be - therefore the stronger the whole society of women will be!  It is too easy to get sucked up into the cattiness of this nonsense of putting down women.  Notice how you do NOT feel better when you contribute to those conversations.  You may not realize it in the moment, but trust me, it will slowly creep on you and build to a point of tremendous stress.  Let it go!  It doesn't matter.  What matters is love and belonging. 

I have received so much from reading and listening to Brene Brown and her discussions on shame and vulnerability.  "Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect."  I love it.  Can you imagine a society where perfection was not the measure for success?  Can you imagine the relief that would come from dropping that heavy load of impossibilities?  I can, and I have felt that weight lifted. 

I invite you to cut off the negative talk about other women.  At least pay attention to how much you may participate in this behavior.  Take notice of how you feel while you're talking and afterwards.  Did it lift you up?  My guess will be no. 

"We can be each others' most magnificent ally or we can be each others' biggest nightmare.  And the only reason a woman would take another woman down is because they have such a lack of their own self.  So I have a lot of compassion for women who are easily threatened by other women because it says more about who they are and their lack of self love.  The more that you love yourself, all aspects of your experience, you can't help but look at another woman and see them doing the best they can with what they know, just living, breathing, thriving, trying." -Seane Corn, Women Ignite Virtual Conference Interview

Instead of the put-downs, shoot a text over to your girlfriend and tell her how amazing she is.  Tell her you believe in her.  Tell her you support her.  Tell her your struggles.  Show your vulnerabilities as well.  That trust and acceptance will allow you AND your sisters to shine.  Embrace the magic the sisterhood holds.  Together we are so powerful, more powerful than you could have ever imagined.  I am determined to delve deeper into this world.  Come join me!  Tell me what you have learned and are learning!

Haha, I was only planning on posting this poem, but I got completely consumed by the meaning I got from it and how it relates to some of the strong women I have been following this year.  But here you go!

The Invitation by Oriah
It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.


By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved

The Personification of Emotions

I have, on many occasions, been completely consumed by an emotion, such as anxiety, to the point that I cannot function as I am required to.  As I mentioned in my last post, I had trouble explaining my own self in front of a group of completely supportive women at the red tent circle a few weeks ago.  I want to be able to let go of the somatic responses that come along with that fear - the tightness in my chest, the heat that rises from the pit of my stomach all the way to the top of my head, the sweaty palms.  I spoke with my counselor, Brooke, about this during our session the following week and she used it as a time to practice almost reliving that environment.  To start, I had to imagine myself in the environment where the fear set in and list all of the feelings, positive and negative, that arose. 

For the positive, the excitement to participate in a group that fully supports all of the values I have come to associate with over this past year, I spoke to the imaginary group to share, without the nuisance of the negative emotions speaking their obnoxious viewpoints.  As I spoke, I didn't have too much hesitation with the words coming out of my mouth and I didn't have problems breathing.  Brooke asked me how it felt and I paused and then said, "Comfortable".  Wow, I can't say that is a word that escapes my mouth very often.  Why was it comfortable?  Because it was my truth!  I have come to realize how far I was from living my truth.  I still have plenty of work to put into this focus, but my life has been all sorts of amazing since I found this part of me that was hiding for years. 

For the negative, I chose the very general word, "Nervous".  Instead of speaking like I, Fiona, was speaking in the state of feeling nervous, I spoke as if I was "Nervous", the human form of the emotion nervousness.  As Nervous spoke to Fiona, Fiona's chest got tight, her face felt warm, and her palms got sweaty.  Nervous shared that it will always be there to protect Fiona from embarrassing herself in a new environment so she doesn't risk losing the progress she has made towards the goals she has created.

Here is my message to Nervous:  "Nervous, I know that you mean well to protect me against the things that could get in the way of my goals, but I have nothing to fear.  When I am my true self, I am safe.  I am safe because the only opinion that really matters is my own.  And I do not judge my true self because that is what is going to make this world a better place.  I know that you will be close by throughout my life and I don't mind the company, but you'll probably be having a conversation with yourself from now on."

Brooke then asked me what I would fill the space that nervousness once occupied with.  I chose to keep the space open and allow my breath to easily fill the space that had been overcrowded for years.  This place in my chest seems to be where I hold my connection with others and the world around me.  I often feel like there is a glowing light shining from my chest when I am fully present and enjoying life.  When people around me are sharing their stories in a state of vulnerability, I bring my hand to my chest and almost feel like there is a warm and shining energy flowing between me and that person so I can fully provide my love and support.  It is a wonderful thing.

Why is this personification so effective for me?  Because it allows me to easily detach from what I have always felt was a part of me but, in reality, is not.  Nervousness is not me.  Shyness is not me.  Perfectionism is not me.  They are "the others".  I am Fiona.  Everyone else is just along for the ride.